Angela just got back into the dating scene after a hard breakup. She was nervous all the time because she didn’t want to have another awful relationship. She lost trust in herself to make good decisions and she set out to learn how to delineate a relationship with potential versus a relationship set for failure.
In Angela’s previous relationship, she was drawn in by Mike’s constant pursuit. Angela wanted to move slow but refused to listen to her gut feelings about Mike. Angela easily gave in to Mike’s charm and good mannerism.
The fact is, most women’s experience with men who start out too strong is that they want to control you, and are needy. Is this something that could be going on in this situation?
The answer is yes. In the beginning Mike seemed open and loving and very committed to the relationship. But once they were in it, and highly involved, he started to become overbearing of Angela’s time and energy. Mike got angry and very critical when Angela did not do what Mike wanted.
How is it possible to see these signs from the beginning? Or to know what to look for when dating again?
Angela previously went on one date with another man named Dan. After just two dates, Dan emailed her asking if he could spend a lot more time with her and go on a trip together.
These are the same signs of Mike. Is this a red flag?
Below I list out a number of indicators that should easily help you determine if a relationship is going to be a promising one or not.
TOP NEGATIVE INDICATORS IN A RELATIONSHIP
- Failed past marriages.
- Going on and on about themselves and not talking about you. Or is not interested when you talk about yourself.
- Coming on really strong in the beginning of the relationship.
- Irresponsible financial behavior.
- Any sort of habits that are unacceptable to you such as drugs, gambling, too much television, smoking, etc.
- Getting really angry, critical, or upset when you say no.
- Being older and having gone through a number of failed relationships.
- Abandonment of their children.
- Abusive or aggressive past behavior.
- Being dishonest.
- Having completely different ideas about religion than you.
- Lack of hobbies and interests.
People can change, but this isn’t something that you can do for them. If your partner is not ok with the way you are, stop the relationship immediately. Don’t expect someone who is unorganized and usually late to all of the sudden change into someone who is organized and on time (if that is how you are). This is the same sort of thing with financial habits, religious beliefs, and taking care of yourself. All of the previously mentioned issues can become huge problems because people can’t handle it when people won’t change.
TOP POSITIVE INDICATORS IN A RELATIONSHIP
- Compassionate and empathetic.
- Acceptance of you and others – not judgmental.
- Respect of your needs needs and feelings. Even if they are different from theirs.
- Is open to differences in opinion and working through conflict.
- Financial responsibility.
- Takes care of their own health and well being. They should not make you feel responsible for their problems or issues.
- Consistency by doing what they say they will.
- Has not abandoned their children.
- You like their friends.
- Speaks well of others.
- Similar religious beliefs.
- Has a good sense of humor.
- Balanced lifestyle. Does not work or party too much.
- Feels what you feel. Feels your happiness, feels your pain. Is supportive.
The most important thing to a relationship before you find the right person is fixing yourself. Becoming the best person you can be is the best step you can take in becoming the perfect partner and landing the perfect relationship.